On top of this, research through films and music/lyrics, I want to create each editorial series with backed up information from others peoples point of view as well as my own.
Due to the personal conversation and this being published online I will keep all the names of those I interviewed anonymous.
I have transcribed parts of the interview to record them on my blog and to evaluate what I have learnt from speaking to each person.
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Interview – Subject One
How long was your relationship? A year
How long has it been since you broke up? A year and a half
Who instigated the breakup? Him
Where you expecting it? Not at all. He seemed tense that
night but I thought it was a variety of other reasons that were quite valid at
the time. But I didn’t expect him to break up with me whatsoever
What was your initial reaction? Shock. I felt like it wasn’t
real, but I felt crushed. I was in shock. Because I never expecting him to say
it, it was so out of character, that when I knew it was real because it was
such a low blow.
Can you remember exactly how you felt afterward over the
next few days? Mixture of emotions. Still felt numb and in shock. Like it
wasn’t a reality, I didn’t feel with it at all. I just felt deeply sad and
really detached from everything. Extremely lonely and isolated.
Was it a physical/emotion pain? Or both? Both because the
emotional pain was worse but that was influencing physical torment. I didn’t
eat, so I was starving without realising it because my body already hurt. I
couldn’t sleep and felt drained from crying.
How long would you say you felt like you were in this state
for? I don’t exact dates, it felt like it lasted a lifetime but I know it was a
good couple of months. It got better as quickly as it came although it did
still hurt. I felt really anxious and depressed solidly for two months.
What emotions did you feel after this stage? What were your
actions like? I was starting to feel better but I still didn’t feel myself. I
still felt empty inside. I didn’t feel like myself. That was the worst time
really, because I wasn’t myself. I felt dull and life become bleak and boring.
Almost like a weird limbo.
What would you say you have learnt after this breakup? How adaptable and strong you can be and how much stronger I feel emotionally now. To take all that and to feel like a better version of yourself. It gives you a lot of perspective on things, it showed me the power of love. After I got over it, it has made me appreciate it even more. Because we had a good relationship at the time, it’s showed me how important love is. It’s made me feel more positively about relationships. I feel lucky I have my family and friends and feeling their support and their love. It makes you realise how truly important it is because of the devastation I felt when it had gone. It has made me more driven to be a better person but most importantly, I have become extremely focused on my career and what I want in my life. I want to go for what I love when it is right. When it is wrong – use it as a learning curve.
What I have learnt from this interview
Whilst I was given this interview to subject one, when we first started to talk about her past relationship she was okay about it. She didn't seem uncomfortable she was very straight faced and matter of face. However, as the time went on I noticed her voice became slightly softer and she became more fidgety. When going over heartbreak we can look back on certain memory and still feel a sting of pain for a fragment of a second. Our brains connect these memories with the emotions that we felt at the time.
This particular person said she had learnt so much about herself and she really did suffer. She said she felt like a shell of herself, which is sad to here because this girl is so bubbly and lively when you meet her and get to know her.
After the interview she said it was strange to talk about it as she had never broken it down and reflected on what she had learnt, although she knew she felt better for it.
This was so good to hear as this is the kind of reaction I am wanting to get when people read and look through my magazine. I want them to be able to relate to different aspects of it and look back on their memories. Hopefully not evoking too much heart ache or pain but to finishing reading and feel almost cleansed and satisfied as they have thought about how much stronger they are now they have gotten over the break up.
On the other hand I want people who are going through a breakup at this point to be able to see that what they are feeling is not unknown and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
KEY WORDS
Empowerment
Cleansed
Shell of herself
Alone
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Interview -Subject Two
How long was your relationship? 3 years
Who instigated the breakup? I did
Where you expecting it? I was the one who broke it off but
because of the way we acted with each other towards the end of our relationship.
I found out he had been going through my phone, my emails, my facebook and
checking up on what I was doing even though we lived together and I only saw
him. It was an unhealthy relationship towards the end. I felt trapped and alone
even though we were always together. There was no trust there.
What was your initial reaction? I found out he had been on
my facebook because he kept asking me about things he shouldn’t have known
about. Things I hadn't told him but spoken to other people about. My emails
were being read but it wasn’t me who was opening them. I found him on my phone
countless times which caused arguments. I was deeply hurt. For someone who you
give everything to, to not trust you. It’s heartbreaking. I loved him, and I
felt I had given him everything but that obviously wasn’t enough for him.
Was it a physical/emotion pain? Or both? I would say more
emotionally, but it did effect my eating habits. I became obsessive over his
facebook and twitter and we broke up. I kept looking at what he was doing, who
he was with, if he missed me. Psychologically I was in pain, my brain was in
overdrive.
How long would you say you felt like you were in this state
for? I’d say I’ve just started to really accept it. I have been on anxiety
medication ever since. I moved out of our house 3 months ago. That was the
final step really but I was reluctant to do it. We were together for so long I
felt like I was making a mistake when I saw him. I still think about him every
day but not necessarily in a bad way or painful way. I did have a period of
time where I would get with other people to spite him and make him feel
jealous.
What emotions did you feel after this stage? Nothing really,
I felt very numb to it. I think the breakup started a lot earlier for me
inside. A long time before we actually split up. Now when I look back I can see
how unhappy I was but I ignored my feelings because it seemed easier at the
time. I wanted to be with him but I began to resent him. That’s the last thing
I wanted.
What would you say you have learnt after this breakup? I’ve
learnt that I cannot let myself become too comfortable in a relationship where
I become depressed. I need to listen to my heart because I know when things aren’t
right. By ignoring the signs we became ill towards each other and after three
years that’s not what you would want.
What I have learnt from this interview
After speaking to subject number two, I can see the similarities between one and two however this girl was the one who broke off the relationship because it was becoming unhealthy. There is a strong sense of no trust within there relationship - social media was a large influence within this which is very common in modern relationships are that is where jealousy comes into play. She also ignored how she was feeling as she didn't want to think about breaking up with him because of the amount of time they had been together.
KEY WORDS
Jealous
Depression and Anxiety
Facebook/Emails - Social Media
Interview - Subject Three
How long was your relationship? Just over a year
Who instigated the breakup? I did
Where you expecting it? Well I broke up with him but only
because I knew he had been with other girls. I wasn’t expecting him to
disrespect me or cheat on me but I knew I had to breakup with him.
What was your initial reaction? When I found out he had
cheated I felt physically sick and faint. I felt as though I had been winded
almost. Like I’d be punched in the stomach. It’s that feeling of shock and
emptiness.
Can you remember exactly how you felt afterward over the
next few days? I rung him straight away, told him I knew and then I picked up
my things and took his things over within the same day. I was hysterical.
Crying, physically throwing up. I just felt lost and alone. The next few days
are a blur now I think back over them. I don’t think I really did anything a
part from cry.
Was it a physical/emotion pain? Or both? Both, without a
doubt. My body ached, my head ached. Emotionally I was crushed.
How long would you say you felt like you were in this state
for? A good few weeks, though I thought it got easier over the next couple of
weeks. I had a bad week maybe a month later when I felt like I had hit an
all-time low.
What emotions did you feel after this stage? Regret,
embarrassment, anger, just broken. I went out a lot, drank quite a bit and had
a few sexual partners.
What would you say you have learnt after this breakup? Now
it has been 8 months since I found out, I now believe that I am a better
person though can be paranoid it will happen again. It’s made me realise that I won’t stand for some of the things he put
me through e.g. not calling for day on end, speaking to me disrespectfully. I
did love him but I know now that our love was toxic. Luckily I have found
someone now who brings out the best in me, and I know I am worth a lot more
than someone who finds sex and relationships with others outside of the
relationship more important than us as a couple.
What I have learnt from this interview
This relationship broke down because one of them was seeing other people. This has now had an effect on trust and will effect her other relationships because she is scared it will happen again. Though she carried on with her life after a few weeks she spoke out how she had a relapse and felt awful afterwards again for another week. This subject had a lot of emotions that would change frequently e.g. anger, regret and embarrassment. This could mean they blame themselves for what has happened.
KEY WORDS
Paranoia
Toxic
Sex and Promiscuity
Anger
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